Basic principles to a good courtship
An overview of dating and courtship. Dating the most important thing is to ensure that you follow His principles that He laid down when He designed marriage. Mar 17, Courtship and dating are some of the least discussed topics in the but many of the principles still apply to older and more mature single. COURTSHIP PRINCIPLES VS. RULES. David Crank. Much has been written and taught in recent years about the problems of modern dating and the.
Good suggestions and wise advice for many circumstances become cast in stone as rules for all situations. As teachers, we need to be careful to remind our listeners and readers how much is just suggestions, advice, and hopefully, good ideas. You should not come away from a courtship teaching with the impression that you will be doing it all wrong unless you follow this set of 37 rules!
There are just too many situations, too many variables! Guiding principles work, long lists of rules do not.
Courtship Principles vs. Rules
Though God gave the Jews many detailed laws, He made no attempt to cover every contingency or answer every question. Jesus, while teaching on many topics, often focused his hearers on a few basic principles loving God and your neighbor, etc. I believe it is a mistake to make long lists of rules of what to do and not to do in this matter. There are many good ideas, advice and practical examples that can be given, but these should not be taken as rules!
A focus on some general principles seems much more productive than many rules. Principles offer the advantage of being adaptable to different circumstances. They are more flexible for dealing with the unanticipated.
Consider just a few of the different situations one may face: The young woman's father may be deceased, she may even be an orphan. Or her father may be an unbeliever who refuses to play any role in courtship. How will the parents' role in courtship be fulfilled? The young man may be a missionary living far home, thousands of miles away. He needs a wife with similar commitment from his own culture but there are few if any that he has any direct contact with.
How can he participate in family activities with the girl's family or effectively get to know them? The young woman is no longer so young i.
How does this impact the parents' role? The other family involved may not hold to exactly the same courtship process as you do. Perhaps one set of parents only wants to be minimally involved. What do you do?
The two families have been friends and together in church for years. The young couple have been friends for years.
There may be little need to "get to know one another" beyond a very few very serious discussions. The young man and woman may have never even met each other.
All they know is third hand information. Much more time and a more gradual process may be needed than in situation 5 above. It may be slow and a little awkward for the young man and woman to initially become acquainted. It may be a while before either knows enough to commit to a courtship. All other considerations are often brushed aside. This includes seeing the need for maturity and preparedness, seeing what things make marriage more difficult and the things that are really important long term.
The basics are really very simple. They grow directly out of the roles in the parent child relationship. A father naturally and Biblically should protect his daughter from: Parents protect and advise children, particularly where they have little experience or wisdom yet.
Meet Singles in your Area! Time Frame Dating may be fleeting and occurs when two people take part in an activity, such as seeing a movie, having dinner, cooking a meal together or going to a concert.
10 Principles For Christian Dating That Will Transform Lives – Frank Powell
They may talk on the phone and exchange text messages, e-mails, flowers and letters. It doesn't have a set time frame, but a couple may go on as few as one or two dates before they decide to stop dating. Both people in the dating relationship know that it may not last long. Couples who are courting, however, know that they will continue to see one another for a longer period of time. They engage in the same activities as a dating couple, but their courtship doesn't stop after just a few dates.
Intended Outcome A courting couple intends to become engaged and get married. The truth is, the modern dating system has only been around for less than a century. And it is my conviction that the wordly system of dating, as it is currently conducted by most people, is far from God's original plan, as described in the Bible. I intend to expose the flaws I see in today's dating model, and at the same time point out how Biblical courtship addresses these flaws. As Christians, our primary purpose in life is to seek and serve God, and fulfill our destiny in Him.
This is equally true in the area of relationships. We need to find out what God's plan for relationships is, and then follow it. The current model that we are using is ineffective, at best. It results in divorce more than half the time. There must be something we are doing wrong. Let's study what we are doing now against what God has described in His word, and draw up a new standard.
I propose to call this standard 'courtship'. Other terms, such as 'betrothal' or even 'biblical dating' could be used, although they would possibly be confusing.
An overview of dating and courtship Dating was invented in the early part of this century. Prior to that time, marriage always involved much more input from the parents, and "trial relationships" leading up to marriage were not conducted at all. Courtship, as discussed in more detail subsequently, seeks to emulate the Godly models described in the Bible that were conducted by God's people up until the invention of dating.
My basic premise is that regardless of how we feel about things, we should follow God's model, because it will be the most effective and fulfilling.
My intention is to convey that conviction, then to describe my current understanding of His model. In overview, courting should only happen once and ends in a life-long covenant relationship. Dating happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts, heartbreaks, scars, and if you're lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years, or if you're really lucky the rest of your life.
In the modern dating scene you usually hide all your faults to give a false impression about yourself, in order to keep your partner liking you. Recreational dating is about self-gratification -- you date to satisfy your own needs.