Single and dating in silicon valley

single and dating in silicon valley

Have you heard about Netflix's new dating policy? harassment, Silicon Valley Tagged dating in silicon valley, dating in tech, netflix, netprix, sexual harassment, . After dating 45 guys+ within 3 years, and still looking, the only thing I can “Guys living here in the Silicon Valley need to stop texting on their. Singles in Silicon Valley are having a hard time finding relationships. There are several issues at play, including dating app fatigue, culture.

I got thanked for being a woman. On shirts, bathrooms, and dating advice I think this is a little romanticized. It is true that often I am the only girl at a company amongst 50 guys and you are right that is kind of a unique situation. The truth is I actively try to be just another team member. However, it always seems to be a point of interest at first. There are lots of little unexpected issues that make you different: They are usually used to using it as a second bathroom and shocked when a girl comes out of it.

So I am less concerned with the whole choosing men issue and more concerned with being perceived as just another skilled professional. It does make dating difficult. Most people are in tech and you may have to work with them again even if you end up on a date and things go very badly. So I think the key is to do everything out of sincerity and not focus on who got the last exit.

Choosing who to date is really the same anywhere. I think you just figure out who you click with and see if you can stand one another after that. The only thing that is unique in SF is how careful I am about saying yes to dates. I kind of feel like you should do that no matter where you are, though. So there are some noticeable differences but if you are in silicon valley you are usually focused on your career as priority rather than the sheer volume of men here.

That said… I once had a rather expensive suitor who, among other things, attempted to take me to La Jolla for an extended weekend getaway in his Porsche You should use condoms regardless of what the woman says to you.

Even if she says that she is on the pill and you don't need to use a condom, you still should. Simply explain to her that you believe in using condoms until two people really know each other well to protect both of you. If she is offended by that, it's her problem, not yours. This is to protect you and to protect her. Not only do you want to avoid giving or getting sexually transmitted diseases, but equally importantly you should be worried about getting her pregnant.

An unplanned pregnancy can really alter your dating life. Remember, if you get a woman pregnant, you are responsible, without exception, for 18 years of child-support! That can mean up to 40 percent of your income will go to this stranger with whom you had casual unprotected sex.

Don't assume that because you do not want a child, a woman you impregnate will have an abortion. It is up to the woman, and many women either do not believe in abortion or are at a point in their life, mid or late 30s, where they would like a baby even without a partner. If you make a good living and can provide lots of child-support, even better! So you should take contraception as seriously as disease prevention.

After all, AIDS will probably kill you in less than 18 years, so child-support might be a more painful fate. Make sure that you own condoms and know how to use them. The condoms should be next to your bed where you can easily get them. You should also carry condoms in your car, in a small toilet kit, in case a woman asks you to spend the night.

Carry a condom or two in your pocket if you anticipate sexual activity on a date. Don't keep condoms in your wallet though, because they won't last. How do you talk about AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases? First of all, I recommend that you sidestep the issue at first by simply using condoms to prevent disease transmission. But if you are going to be sleeping with someone on a regular basis then you probably want to find out about their sexual history.

How do you do this? Don't do it in bed. That is not the best place to have what is basically a very unromantic conversation. A good way to approach the topic is to say, "You know, I think we should talk about some issues related to our sleeping together. If you have been tested, you should share that information with her. You also want to find out when she was tested and if she has had sexual activity since then. A nice option is to offer to get tested together.

There are two ways to do this. One way is to go to an anonymous testing center together, and go back several weeks later and get your results together.

Another way is to purchase two home HIV test kits at your pharmacy, and do the test together. The way it works is that you prick your finger and put some blood on a test pad, which then gets sent to a lab for analysis. A week later you call an number and get your results. Another topic you should discuss is pregnancy. Ask her what she would do if she accidentally got pregnant.

If she tells you that she would be uncomfortable having an abortion, then you need to think carefully about using multiple means of birth control to prevent a pregnancy. Using condoms is not enough. At the least you would want to use condoms and foam, or condoms and the birth control pill.

If you do have a birth control failure such as a ruptured condom, don't just pray, use the morning after pill. This is a variant of the birth control pill which can be used up to 72 hours after a birth control failure and will prevent pregnancy in most cases. Contact Planned Parenthood in this situation or talk with your physician. Remember, if you can't talk about these issues with her, then you are not close enough to be sleeping with her.

A simple five-step process for meeting women Let's get down to the basics: Here is a simple five-step process for meeting any woman. This means you have to be someplace where there are women. There are two types of situations where one can meet women.

One type of situation is one in which you will typically be fixed in one spot. Examples include classes, concerts, lectures, plays, airplane trips and so on. You arrive, you sit down, and you stay put. The other type of situation is one which women are moving around. Examples include museums, bookstores, the mall, parks, zoos, and so on. Each type of situation requires a slightly different strategy. When you are going to a situation where you will be fixed in one position once the activity starts, you should arrive early, and observe women as they arrive.

When you see a woman you would like to meet, you should try to sit next to her. This will give you your best opportunity to meet her. For instance, let's imagine that you're taking an airplane journey someplace. You arrive at the airport, check in, and ask the agent if the flight is full or mostly empty. If the flight has empty seats, then you should wait until everyone else has boarded, and then walk down the aisle in the plane and sit next to the prettiest woman you can find who seems to be traveling alone.

Try not to sit next to someone whose husband or boyfriend is sitting next to her. This is a great strategy, because you have anywhere from one to twelve hours to connect with her.

The worst that happens is you don't connect and you sleep the rest of the flight. In situations where women are moving around you have two options. You can circulate around and find someone, or you can sit in one place where you can see people and wait for an attractive woman to walk by. You can also try both of the strategies. Places to find women In my practice, I'm often asked, "where do I go to meet women?

The more time you spend out and about, the more opportunities you have for meeting women. That said, there are some useful tips for places to go. There are two types of places or situations where you can meet people. One category is those places or events that are designed for single people to meet other single people.

Singles bars, singles mixers, singles hikes, classes on how to flirt, etc. The advantage of these types of events is that they have a high density of single women. The disadvantage is that there is also a high density of single men competing against you. Because these events are often stressful for everyone they bring out the worst in people. Women become judgmental, impatient, and superficially focused on looks and appearance.

These events are not terrible to attend, but realistically you may find that you have a hard time really connecting with people. When I used to go to singles mixers, I found that about one out of 10 events led to meeting someone special. But it only takes one person to make a special connection, and if you consistently attend various singles events you probably can meet people and connect with them.

The other category of events or places are those activities that are not specifically for single people. An example of this would be a hiking club, or a tennis club. Or just going to a cafe or a mall.

What Is It Like to Be a Very Attractive Single Woman in Silicon Valley?

The advantage of these kinds of situations is that often you have no competition whatsoever. If a woman is sitting alone in a cafe or at an airport, you have no competition for her attention. The disadvantage of these kinds of situations is that you can't really know whether or not a woman is single or available. But you can check that out pretty quickly. Ideally, you would go places where there are more women than men.

Some examples of this include museums, especially art museums, art classes, sometimes dance classes, some book lectures, nursing school, and being a schoolteacher. Art museums are particularly good for meeting attractive intelligent women. A friend of mine had a wonderful technique for utilizing an art museum to meet women. He joined the San Francisco Museum of modern art, which entitled him to free admission and free art tours. On a Saturday he would go up to San Francisco, and take the first tour of the day.

On that tour he would chat up a woman he found appealing, and by the end of the tour would ask her if she would join him for a cup of coffee in the museum cafe. Most of the time she would agree, and he would spend another hour chatting with her before asking her for a date. Then he would say goodbye to her, and go back upstairs to the museum, where he would take the next tour, and repeat the process.

Since they usually gave three or four tours a day, he could often meet three or four new women in the day! There is life outside of Silicon Valley So you complain that you are not meeting enough women in Silicon Valley?! Take a road trip in that beautiful car you own. San Francisco is full of lovely, single women complaining about the shortage of men. So is Berkeley, Oakland, and Walnut Creek. There should be a busing program to take busloads of lonely guys from Silicon Valley to San Francisco on Saturday nights, and busloads of single women from San Francisco to Silicon Valley.

If you do find a girlfriend in San Francisco or Berkeley then you can enjoy spending time in a more interesting urban setting than sunny Silicon Valley. Some of my best relationships when I was single were with women in San Francisco. I used to love the opportunity to spend weekends in San Francisco. Getting Close to Her The second step is to get physically close to that woman that you have found.

There is absolutely no way you can meet a woman without being speaking distance from her. As long as she is across the room, you cannot meet her.

What are you going to do? Shout across the room, "Hey baby, what's your sign? This may be scary to you. A lot of men will see an attractive woman, think about meeting her, but never walk across the room or the street to get close to her. She may notice the man staring at her, but there is no way she can meet him unless he walks over to her. Women hate when men stare at them from across the room. It sends a message that you are timid and scared.

So as soon as you see a woman you are attracted to immediately move to be close to her. In some situations, you won't need an immediate opening line.

An example of this might be a museum or a zoo where it is completely appropriate to be looking at the same exhibit as she without conversation. In other situations such as singles mixer it's awkward if you walk over to a woman and don't say anything to her.

In these situations you will need to have a prepared opening line to use so that you can immediately begin a conversation. A psychological trick to help you build your skills There is a simple psychological trick to overcome your fear of getting close to pretty women. Break down the process into simple baby steps.

At first, just focus on scanning the environment and selecting appealing women. Once you have selected them you don't have to do anything. This will get you in the habit of noticing and selecting appealing women. Next, focus on the step of getting close. Practice getting within speaking distance of attractive women. You don't have to say anything to them, just get close.

Once you have gotten comfortable with this step, then you can focus on simply saying anything to them -- "Hello, how are you, nice day, etc. Only when you have mastered and are comfortable with these steps are you ready for the next step of starting a conversation. Starting a Conversation The next step is to begin a conversation with that woman.

Now it doesn't really matter what you say to her as long as you say something. Almost any opening line is better than nothing. You don't have to be brilliant or witty or funny. A simple, "Hi, how are you doing? One suggestion I have is for you to plan some opening lines that you can use in various situations.

The opening lines don't have to be original or brilliant. For instance, if you are in a museum, a great line is, "What do you think of that painting? If you are at the beach make a comment about the weather or the waves. If she is wearing an interesting piece of clothing ask her where she got it or where it is from. In a grocery store ask her for advice on how to select a good melon or grapefruit. If you are in a club ask her what she thinks of the music.

I am hesitant to give you opening lines because that implies that there are right lines and wrong lines. The truth is that a line only gets you 30 seconds into the conversation and that even simple openers like "Hello" work just fine.

Use the lines below as some ideas, but create your own lines. I'm Andrew, and you are? I have no life. Please have pity and talk to me. Where are the rest of the contestants? Here the secret is to just talk, and don't worry much about her immediate response.

When first approached by a man many women will get shy. They may not seem very talkative or friendly at first. But you should not interpret this very much. Unless they tell you to get lost, you should keep talking with them. For instance, in a cafe you might ask a question about a book she is reading. When she answers your question, you say, "You know, that is really interesting. I would love to hear more. May I join you for a few minutes?

It might sound like this: That book looks pretty interesting. It's about cases from a famous neurologist, Oliver Sacks. What's the best case in the book? There's a case about a man who thought his wife was a hat! I'd love to hear more about that. Can I join you for a few minutes?

Man stands up and sits down at her table. My name is Andrew, and you are? He holds out his hand to her. My name is Susan. So tell me about this case of the man who thought his wife was a hat.

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Notice that in this situation you have already sat down with her, you've introduced yourself, and you have learned her name, and you are already into a conversation. Getting Information So You Can Contact Her Later While you are having a conversation with a woman, there are several things you may want to think about. The first concept is to get some information that will help you to contact her later in case for some reason beyond your control your conversation with her is interrupted before you can get her phone number.

Get her first and last name if possible, and find out where she works. If you introduce yourself by first and last name typically she will respond similarly. This will make it possible for you to reach her later. This is particularly important in situations such as when you are waiting in line at the post office where it possible you will get to the front of the line quicker than you expect, and she will leave before you have a chance to ask her on a date.

So get some information that will enable you to contact her later. A great example of this was actually done by a woman I met a number of years ago while Christmas shopping for earrings for my mother. Carol and I met when I asked her for her advice on buying earrings for my mother, in a store at the local mall.

We chatted for a while and I told her my first name and that I was a psychologist, and that I just come from across the street where I was seeing the patient at Stanford hospital.

She was a veterinarian, seemed friendly, and I was going to ask her to join me for a cup of coffee, but when we got to the checkout line, she suddenly became very quiet and distant. So I paid for the earrings and left, somewhat disappointed. A couple of days later I was visiting my patient at the hospital, when I found an envelope with my name on it stapled to my patient's chart.

I opened the envelope and there was a note saying: Gottlieb, call your veterinarian", and a phone number. I called her immediately and asked her how she had found me with only my first name. She said that she had called Stanford, and asked them which psychology wards were across the street from the Stanford Mall.

Then she had called the two wards and asked if there was a psychologist named Andrew. One of the nurses knew me, and passed the message on. She told me that she got shy when we got to the checkout line, and that's why she had been so quiet. We dated for six or seven months and I was very happy she had found me. Finding out if you are interested, and if she is available The next step is to talk with her and to find out more about her so that you can decide if you're interested in dating her.

Find out where she lives, what kind of work she does, if she is single, and anything else that would be important to you. Why is it important to ask where she lives? Let me give you an example. I used to go to singles mixers sponsored by the Stanford Bachelors club, which was a singles organization.

They would have these huge mixers in various parts of the Bay Area. Sometimes women would travel great distances to go to these parties. I remember once spending most of the evening dancing with a very appealing woman. At the end of the dance I got her for phone number, which was outside of the Bay Area.

I was disappointed when I found out that she lived up in Northern California, about three hours north of San Francisco. I could have found out that in the first five minutes if I had simply asked her where she lived. If you meet a woman in a context that is not a singles event, you should definitely find out whether she is single and available. Another experience I had was going to a Cajun dance festival up in the Oakland Hills. I met a wonderful woman I will call Jennifer.

She was smart, beautiful, a terrific dancer, and we spent the whole day dancing and flirting. She told me about her recent trip to Thailand, and never mentioned any other man. I was in love. I thought I had found the magical woman. The only catch was that at the end of the day when I asked her for her phone number, she got very quiet. She reluctantly gave me her number.

After she left, I was talking with a friend of hers, who informed me that she had a very serious boyfriend who she would probably marry. In fact, the friend told me that when Jennifer had gotten very sick in Thailand, her boyfriend had dropped everything, flown to Thailand, and nursed her back to health. When I heard this I was very upset. I had spent the whole day getting close to this woman and getting my hopes up.

Even though I did call her subsequently to ask her out, predictably she never responded. Again, if I had simply asked her if she was single at the beginning of the day I could have saved myself a lot of pain. Now you might wonder, how do I ask a woman if she's single. There is a very simple way to do this. After you talk to the woman for a few minutes, you can complement her, saying, "Wow. I hope your husband or boyfriend really appreciates how special you are!

In any case you have gained valuable information. Matthew was incredibly good with women. We had gone to a singles mixer and we were waiting on line to buy drinks.

Two women standing behind us were very attractive. He began a conversation and then included them by asking their opinion on some disagreement that he and I were having. Within a couple of minutes we knew their names, where they lived, and what kind of work they did. When we got to the front of the drink line Matthew bought drinks for all four of us.

The women walked away and sat down at a table and he and I then joined them. Since we had bought them drinks they could hardly refuse. We talked for a few minutes about this and that. Then Matthew said in a loud and enthusiastic voice, "Wow! We are having fun! The four of us should go bowling sometime. What do you think ladies? A trial close is an early test of whether someone is willing to buy. The women immediately told us they could not go out with us because one of them was engaged, and the other had a serious boyfriend.

My attitude at this point was to ask them what they were doing at a singles event. But Matthew, who was wiser than I, simply spent about one more minute talking with them, and then politely excused himself to mingle with other, more available women. So particularly in situations such as singles events don't waste a lot of time talking with a woman before you find out where she lives, and whether she is single, and whether she is even open to dating you.

If she says yes that would be fun or that could be fun, then you know that she is at least potentially interested. But if she gives you three excuses why she couldn't go out with you, then you know she's not interested and you can move on to someone else.

Making the Date or Getting Her Phone Number The final step in this process is to actually make a date with a woman or to get her phone number so that you can make a date later. This is where a lot of men screw up. They can do everything else pretty well. They can meet a woman, they can talk to her, but they can't actually ask her for a date or for her phone number.

When should you ask for the date? Let me give you some tips on how to do this gracefully. First of all, let's discuss timing. When should you ask a woman on a date after you have met her and talked to her for a while? In a singles setting such as a singles mixer or a singles bar, you don't have to talk to a woman for a long time before asking her for her phone number or a date. It's perfectly appropriate to talk to a woman for 15 or 20 minutes and then ask her.

Women expect this, and they have enough information at that point to decide whether they want to see you again.

single and dating in silicon valley

In other situations where there is no competition, and no great hurry, such as sitting in a cafe in the afternoon, you can take more time. For instance, if you met a woman in a cafe you could speak with her for an hour before you asked her out. The biggest danger though in waiting too long is that you may find out she is either not available or not interested, and you will have wasted the time. It depends on your philosophy, though. If for you spending an hour having an interesting conversation with an attractive woman is pleasant in itself, even if it goes nowhere, then by all means do it.

But I think most men are interested in finding women they can date, and to do that you should be somewhat goal directed. At the least, use a trial close after 10 or 15 minutes talking to the woman. The other problem with waiting too long is that you may get more and more anxious. When should I ask her? How should I ask her? What should I say? How to ask for a date early in the conversation A good tactic for asking a woman out early in the conversation is this.

Look at your watch, and say, "Oh my, I'm going to have to leave, I'm supposed to meet a customer. Could I call you can set up a time for us to get together again, maybe lunch? If she says no, you have already said you need to leave, so there is no awkwardness.

If she has said yes, and you would like to spend more time with her, here's a suggestion. Say you are going to check your messages, go to a pay phone or use your cellular, and then pretend that your next appointment was canceled, so you can spend more time with her.

But it's always better to understay your welcome rather than overstaying it. It's better to spend 30 minutes chatting and then have another date, then spend three hours together and never see each other again.

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The "Sometime, Something" date Another tip is to avoid asking for a specific date. A lot of men will make the mistake of saying to a woman that they have just met, "How about having dinner with me next Friday night?

I think it is better to propose a "sometime, something" date. The form of this question would be, "How would you like to get together again sometime? Is she interested in seeing you again? If she says yes, then you have 3 options. Option 1 is to make a date then and there. If you do this, be sure to get her phone number so that if there's any snafu, you will be able to contact her. You may also want to give her your phone number for the same reason.

Option number 2 is to say something like, "Great! Let me get your phone number, and I will call you on Tuesday and we can make plans.

Remember, most women have had multiple experiences of giving their phone number to a man who never calls. If you're not going to call her then don't get her phone number. Because women are so sensitive about this issue, I recommend you not ask them for their phone number. Instead, ask them if it would be okay if you called them to invite them to do something.

Say something like, "Would be okay if I called you at work tomorrow to set up lunch for later this week? If no specific time for calling is agreed-upon, then call her within one or two days. Don't make her wait three or four days because each day she will be wondering if you're going to call, and by the time you do call she will be angry at you for taking so long. A lot of men worry that they will appear over anxious if they call a woman the next day.

If she likes you and she wants to see you again she will be delighted to hear from you immediately. And if she does not want to go out with you, it won't matter whether you call her the next day, three days later, or three weeks later. She still won't go out with you. The Immediate Date The third option is to ask for a date that begins immediately. For instance, let's say you met a woman in a bookstore and chatted with her for 15 minutes. You could then ask her to join you for a cup of coffee in the adjoining cafe.

Or if you met a woman at a singles mixer, and you seemed to be hitting it off, you could invite her to go out for a midnight snack. My friend Jason told me the following story: One of my favorite dates of all time began on a beach by the shores of Lake Washington in Seattle.

There was a woman lying near me on a towel who had a gorgeous body. I didn't know how to meet her. Finally I saw her standing in water looking up in the sky. There was an unusual cloud formation. I walked into the water and stood next to her and made a comment about the cloud formation. We started to talk, and when we got out of the water I joined her by her towel. We continued to talk all afternoon, and when it got late I suggested we get some dinner.

She said that she had lots of food at home and invited me back to have dinner there. I offered to cook for her, and she was delighted. I ended up not leaving until very late that night, and we started a relationship immediately. We later realized that the unusual cloud formation was actually the volcanic eruption of Mount Saint Helen's! I guess you could say our relationship started with a bang!

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Jason and his puns! Lowering the probability of receiving a no Here are some tactics for lowering the proportion of no's you receive when you ask a woman out. Safety issues One issue to be aware of is a woman's concern for safety.

If a woman has met you in a situation where you are a stranger, she may have some concerns about who you are and whether you are safe to date. In these situations, such as at a singles bar, the grocery store, etc. The ultimate safe date is lunch at a public place such as a restaurant.

No woman would be afraid of this date. In general safe dates occur during the daytime, in public places, and involve meeting her at the place rather than you picking her up. To be a gentleman you can offer her an option and say that you will either meet her there or you can pick her up, whichever she prefers. That lets her choose, which lets her feel safe. Comfort issues There is another issue, which is comfort. Women are not always comfortable with the dates that men propose.

For instance, if you meet a woman at a bar, and then as your first date you suggest she come to your house so you can cook her dinner, she will most likely be uncomfortable and refuse the date. Another issue with comfort is how long the date is.

For a first date, most women are much more comfortable with a short date such as coffee or a drink or lunch rather than a long date such as driving three hours to go to an all-day music festival. One way of addressing these comfort issues is to give a woman options. Suggest having dinner or lunch, her choice. Suggest a short or a long date, again her choice.

For instance, you might say, "we could go to the beach for the day or if you'd rather, we could have lunch. Or you can offer her a drink or dinner whichever she would prefer. The point is to be sensitive to these issues of safety and comfort. Another issue of comfort is how elaborate and expensive the date is. If a woman is not sure she likes you then she's likely to be uncomfortable if you propose a very expensive or elaborate date, such as dinner at an expensive restaurant followed by theater tickets.

So give her as many options as possible and let her tell you what she's comfortable with. That's the best strategy. How to be a fun date Once you have learned how to get a date, then you need to know how to be a fun date if you want future dates. It's amazing how many people just don't get this simple concept! You go on a date and you complain about your job, your boss, your subordinates, your car, your friends, etc.

Or you listen to your date tell you about every bad relationship she's ever had. Or she tells you about her various health problems and the medications she's taking to correct each one. Or worse yet, she tells you about her therapy. Is it any wonder that so many first dates don't lead to second dates?

Be Upbeat One of the secrets to being a great date is to be extremely upbeat about your life and about hers. On a first or second date it's really better not to talk about your ex-girlfriends or your dating experiences.

When people share their dating tales of woe they are signaling that they are not going to be romantically involved with the person they're telling. Think about it for a minute. If you meet a woman who you are really attracted to, and really interested in forming a relationship with, do you tell her about all the other women you are dating? It's only when people are ambivalent about their dating partner that they share such information.

Don't talk about other dates or ex-girlfriends Also, talking about your ex-girlfriends or listening to your dating partner talk about her ex-boyfriends is an equally big mistake. The problems with talking about ex-relationships is this: Remember the key concept of the first date is to have fun and to get the second date. It's not to interview the other person and find out every flaw that they have. Yes of course they have flaws, but you don't need to know them on the first date.

If the two of you are capable of connecting and having fun together then, and only then, should you start to explore each other's past. Don't interview her Too often what happens on first dates, especially blind dates, is a process that is more like a job interview than a date. Both people are busy trying to find out all of the things that are wrong with their dating partner. The bottom line in doing this is that if you search hard enough for what is wrong with another person, you will always find it.

And you will reject virtually everyone. The other problem is that while you are doing this, the other person is very aware of your implicit criticism. They know what the right answers are and what the wrong answers are, and they know that you are trying to find out what's wrong with them.

This is not conducive to them liking you or enjoying your company. I've never heard anyone describe a job interview as a pleasant experience, and neither is a dating interview. So do not ask people a lot of qualifying questions on the first date. If you ask them about their job, ask them what they like about it, not how much money they make. Don't ask about previous relationships, and certainly don't ask them why they are single. After all, you are single too, so the same question could apply to you just as well!

Don't assume there is anything wrong with them because they are single. If they seem terrific, maybe they are. In any case, it is not your business to ask them what is wrong with them. Negotiate and compromise Another important aspect of being a good date is being flexible and being able to compromise and negotiate. On every date there are small decisions that need to be made. What restaurant will you go to? Where will you sit? What will you order? What will you do after dinner?

What movie will you see? Showing decisiveness combined with flexibility is key. A woman wants to know that you can make decisions. Don't act like Mr. Make a couple of suggestions and give her some options. If you suggest a Chinese restaurant and she hates Chinese, respond by saying, "that's fine, what about this Italian restaurant? Don't criticize or complain Another issue is to avoid criticizing or complaining. Most people are so sensitive to criticism that if you criticize them even once on a first date they will never want to see you again.

In a similar way, complaining can be interpreted as criticism. For instance, suppose the woman suggests a restaurant and you complain about the food or the service. She will experience this as implicit criticism of her.

She will think you are thinking, "You picked a bad restaurant.! Avoid criticism or complaints at all costs. Pick conversation topics carefully Pick your conversation topics carefully. In general you want to avoid talking about anything heavy or depressing.

Don't tell the story of your sister's long fight with leukemia.

What Is It Like to Be a Very Attractive Single Woman in Silicon Valley?

Don't discuss your herniated disc or your irritable bowel disease. Good topics to avoid are politics and sex. Avoid politics because a disagreement over something like abortion can easily be a stopper on a first date. Avoid sexual topics because comments can be misinterpreted and in any case most women are not comfortable discussing sex on a first date.

Show the best parts of your life Optimism is another important quality. Everyone wants to date someone who is upbeat about their life. They don't want date someone who hates their job or hates their friends. So find the aspects of your life that you are most satisfied with, and talk about those. If you hate your job, don't focus on it, instead talk about other parts of your life that you are enthusiastic about. Don't act cheap Another important concept is to communicate a clear message that you're not at all cheap.

If you are going to pay for things, pay for them cheerfully, without reluctance or hesitancy. That is much more appealing than sending a message that you are a cheap skate. Avoid doing things like carefully adding up the bill or questioning every little charge -- this sends a message to the woman that you are cheap. Plan fun and innovative dates Another aspect of being a great date is planning innovative and exciting dates. Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with the traditional dinner or dinner and a movie date.

After all, the major purpose of early dates is to simply have a chance to talk and find out about each other.

Unfortunately, the traditional dinner date puts a lot of stress on both people to come up with topics for conversation.

Other types of dates, where you engage in some sort of activity, may be preferable. Here are some good ideas for some alternative kinds of dates. Here is a fun one. If you have a little lake near you where they rent paddle boats, why not plan a picnic lunch on a paddle boat.? You put the lunch together, and meet the woman at the lake where you have prearranged a paddle boat rental.

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You paddle around the lake, eating lunch and talking. Maybe you drink some wine. That can be really fun date. Picnics in general are a wonderful date. Plan lunch in the park catered by you.

If you really want to impress woman get a picnic kit with a wicker basket, tablecloth, wine glasses, plates, etc. This shows creativity and the ability to plan and organize, both attractive attributes for most women.

It's also a lot cheaper than buying her dinner at an expensive restaurant, and will impress her more. Another option is to take a walk or a hike. For those who enjoy hiking, this can be a very pleasant way to get to know another person. Or plan a trip to hear some live jazz music, or some other type of music.

Preferably select a music venue where it's possible to talk -- a heavy metal club is not a good place for a first date. Although going dancing is a lot of fun, it's probably not the best date for the first or second date, where you want to talk. Another great option which is easy to do in almost any major city is this: Then suggest that the two of you go and hear an author speak and afterwards get dinner or coffee. The nice thing about this date is that not only is it interesting, but it also gives you something to discuss over dinner or coffee.

In a similar way, a better date than dinner and a movie is a movie and dinner. Go to an early twilight movie, and then catch dinner afterwards. The advantage of this date is that you can discuss the movie over dinner.

If you do this be sure that you select a good movie, because there is nothing more awkward than trying to discuss an awful movie over dinner. Invest some time and money, meet women forever Another way to become a fun date, as well as a great strategy for meeting women, is to learn how to touch dance. Touch dancing is dancing which involves a man and woman holding each other while they dance.

The reason why this form of dance is better for meeting someone then free-form rock and roll dancing is that you can actually have a conversation while you are dancing. Free-form dancing doesn't really lead to any connection, and it usually done in a loud club atmosphere which makes it hard to communicate. Here is what I recommend as a strategy for utilizing dance to supercharge your social life.

First of all, you must decide what type of dance you want to specialize in. There are three primary options. Option 1 is country-western dancing, Option 2 is ballroom dancing, and Option 3 is Latin dancing -- salsa, mamba, etc.

There is a fourth type of dance that it is even easier to learn and to do, and that is square dancing and Contra dancing. Both of these forms of dance are extremely easy to learn, and can be fun. The biggest disadvantage of them is that they are not partner dances, so it's more a group experience when you go to a square dance.

However, the people are usually friendly and it can be very easy to meet women. How should you choose which type of dance to learn? First of all, you should explore the different venues in your town where each type of dance is done. There's no point in learning country-western dancing if there is no place to go country-western dancing, or if the demographics of the people who country-western dance don't fit what you're looking for.

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So spend a few evenings and go to some different dance clubs that offer country-western dancing, ballroom dancing, and Latin dancing. Talk to people and find out how they like doing the various dances and how hard it was for them to learn. Check out the scene at each club, and also whether there are attractive women, and what the ratio of men to women is.

Only then will you have enough information to decide which type of dance training will pay off the best. The other thing to consider is the difficulty of the dances you will be learning. The best types of dances to learn are ones that are fairly simple for both you and the woman. For instance, although West Coast swing is a wonderful dance when danced by two experienced partners, it takes more than a year to become proficient in this dance, and you will be limited to dancing with women who are equally proficient, as it is very hard to follow unless the woman is trained.

Even if you are an excellent West Coast swing dancer most women will not be able to follow well, so it won't be a pleasant experience for them to dance with you. The best dances are those that once you learn them you can lead them easily so that even if the woman doesn't really know what she's doing, you can make her look good. Many ballroom dances and some Latin dances fall into this category. East Coast swing and some country-western dances also fall into this category.

However, much of country-western dancing consists of line dancing, which is fun, but not a good way to meet women. Line dancing is complicated and difficult to learn and doesn't really help you in your quest to meet women. Once you get to be a good dancer, you will have many options in terms of meeting women. If you discover an aptitude and talent for dancing you will have a tremendous advantage over other men. You can take group or private lessons, but I recommend group lessons because you will meet women in the classes, and you will have the experience of dancing with many different women.

Learning to dance gives you a tremendous advantage over most other men. Most men do not dance at all or if they do dance, they dance poorly.

I remember when I used to go to singles dances, there was one man in particular who exemplified the advantages of being a great dancer. Robert was a short, dumpy man who was not particularly handsome, was a few pounds overweight, and who was about 5 ft. But he dressed very well and he was an incredible dancer who seemed to know every dance ever invented.