The psychology of emotional mirroring | Psychologies
I reminded her how popular she was and that she was the least likely person to end up lonely. Lisa said her sister had suggested they go away together for a week. I urged her to book it and have a break. A truthful reflection How Lisa was feeling resonated with me — how I had felt during my friendship with Katie. Still, it was Katie who finally made me face up to the issues in our relationship. Do you feel the same? Katie suggested we include others at lunch, or go for a run and avoid talking about work.
If you have a sense that all is not right with a friendship and that you may be mirroring, Gerolaki suggests exploring those feelings by doing something creative, like painting or writing a story about your thoughts.
Sport has the same effect. Lisa went on holiday with her sister, and gained perspective. On her return, she spoke to Jen and said she needed a break from both dating and talking about it. It can be tempting, when struggling, to forget that only we can solve our problems. I know if I am slipping into emotional mirroring because I feel drained. To extricate myself, I talk to other people; I let my mind wander, without harnessing it to the problem, to free up my thinking.
I take comfort in the fact that we are only human, but that we can resolve challenges; and they become less intimidating.
That time taught us both a lot about our careers and ourselves. Our lives have taken a similar path, so we still face similar struggles, but now we listen to, and support, each other. Emotional mirroring warning signs Experts Helen Gerolaki and Ingrid Collins tell us how to spot them, and end the cycle Are you repeating the same conversation with the same person?
Do you feel depleted, rather than nourished, after your exchanges? Is it difficult to separate what you think about the issue from what the other person thinks about it? Do you have tense muscles, a knot in your stomach or a slumped posture after talking? Do you feel stressed, or find it hard to concentrate after speaking to them? Go back through your semi-charmed relationships and call the spade a spade. You allowed yourself to feel happy around that person.
You attributed your happiness to that person, so you became attached. When the feelings faded, the attachment stayed strong and you subjected yourself to emotional abuse that no one should have to endure all your choice. Here is the big part: Remember all of those feelings of blame, frustration, anger, resentment and boredom? Now do something positive with those feelings!
It has been said that there are no negative feelings, only negative responses. Acknowledge the lemons, then make lemonade. Or see the shit and sell organic fertilizer. Now you have a better option—can I get you a glass of water? Train yourself to question all of your emotions all of the time.
This internalized questioning is what separates your BS projection of other people from the actual person they are. Once I claimed mine, I decided to change it to something that benefitted me, like personal growth.
Mirroring (psychology) - Wikipedia
Instead of expecting others to change to accommodate my feelings, I looked at how I could change to respond positively to the situation.
After that point I realized that responding negatively was hurting my relationship with myself and with the people around me. When you question your emotions, you ditch the habit of automatically assigning blame or praise to someone who may not in fact deserve it. You deserve the benefit of the doubt, and so does everybody else. This scale factors in actual value, and not the inflationary feelings that end up expanding and bursting your relationship bubble. It seems counterintuitive, but our happiness, intimacy, and longevity in relationships are only limited to our personal growth.
Mirroring Psychology Dating. Mirroring psychology dating
You will start to see everyone around you, and most importantly your mates, as a direct extension of you: Instead, you will find yourself admiring, appreciating and respecting others for helping you to see yourself honestly. You will relish the adventure of improving yourself in any way you can, and you will thank those around you for their help.
In all ways, you will be more useful to yourself and everyone around you. Just imagine how intimacy with your partner will be impacted. The difference is night and day, but it takes some work to ingrain and perfect.
As usual, my most helpful tools are questions: Questions that will help you master the mirroring effect What inside of me is making me feel this way?
Am I upset about them, or am I upset at seeing my faults in their behavior? Will responding this way help me to know and appreciate the innermost of my partner and myself? How can I respond in ways that respect the other person while expressing my genuine feelings?
If so, has it benefitted me or my relationships? Which people do I have the most issues with in relating? What about them is similar to me?
What about them do I want to change? Is there anything I can change in myself that would change the way I perceive them?
The Mirroring Effect: How to Own Your Emotions and Create Lasting Intimacy
Do I have a habit of responding defensively and aggressively when my behavior is called into question? Do I really need to attack others to protect myself? What do I have to protect? What can I do to humble myself and improve myself?
Do I have a history of attacking others when trying to express myself e. The main benefit of mirroring is how it gives you insight into your innermost world. Instead of responding to things externally and critically, mirroring brings attention to the only real power you have: When you start to respond positively to the people around you, they will notice how awesome it makes them feel and start to mimic your behaviors.
A man who has mastered himself has no desire to control anyone else. When you practicing mirroring others, you are really practicing self-mastery. When two masters of self come together in a relationship, or at least two people seeking self-mastery, those foolish games of jealousy and control fall away as they build intimacy and success with one another. Thank you for reading! Thanks for hanging out with me; it was fun!
If this inspires you, resonates with you, or feels totally backwards, please feel free to let me know. I value your opinion, so please join the discussion! My experience with the mirroring effect has been nothing short of life changing in the way I relate to people and in my personal growth. Whether you are a woman or man, give it a shot and see what it can do for you and your relationships. Now I'm a writer and coach who guides people to unconditional love.