Dating a guy with performance anxiety

Tips To Having Great Sex: Helping Him Over His “Performance” Anxiety

dating a guy with performance anxiety

*I started dating a great guy a couple of months ago and everything He says it's just performance anxiety and the more he thinks about it, the. However I have a serous issue with Performance anxiety. .. the guy will have expectations that I am a functional woman who just can have sex. Recently (6 weeks) starting dating a guy I am into. Me (33F) and him (39M) attempted to have sex for the first time last night. We both knew it.

I'm not saying DON'T do it, I'm just saying that maybe you want to do this in this time frame because you feel like you can "fix" him. Like, you will give him mind-blowing head and he will be amazed by your mad skills and you will have no more sexual awkwardness again, ever.

And I'm sure you have mad skills and all, but what's the rush? So I'm going to suggest that maybe you might want to follow his lead a bit. If things are all hot and steamy and he's good with that next time you get together, sure, go for it!

Performance Anxiety: How to Help Your Man Feel More Confident in Bed

But maybe just take the approach of seeing what happens naturally, rather than forcing things to a head so to speak! Going in with a specific agenda and time line, especially with this sense of immediacy that you seem to have right now, creates a kind of pressure, too; once you have a script set up, someone is more likely to be disappointed if the night doesn't end up following that script.

So have fun, enjoy yourselves, but don't feel like there's a timeline for any of this, because there isn't. Especially the Game part. And I think in this case it means playing at his speed and letting him passively lead.

Like others said above, don't make his issue your issue; just play your part and enjoy yourself. Let him enjoy you. Keep doing what you're doing and don't try to outdo it! It may take some time. My boyfriend needed two months before he could stay hard during intercourse. Now it's not a problem at all.

Performance/sexual Anxiety - Dating, Relationships, Sexuality - Forum

You are probably NOT going to be able to go down on this fellow tomorrow night. Relax, have fun; encourage him to masturbate for you; don't worry about whether he orgasms. Worry about your own orgasm. His will most likely come in time. Patience is the name of the game here. Going down on him on the next date might be too much, too soon, based on what he told you. For some men, getting head for the first time with a new partner can be fraught with anxiety, especially if the gent already has performance anxiety.

The Dude’s Tips To Having Great Sex: Helping Him Over His “Performance” Anxiety

Also, some guys just plain don't care for blowjobs, so it's best to not assume anything there. What I've found to be helpful in this type of scenario is to reassure the guy that getting to know a new partner intimately is almost always a fumbly-bumbly process, no matter the level of expertise and confidence.

It just takes time to get it all dialed in, and I actually really enjoy those early teenage-awkward sessions. There's a certain sweetness to it. It was our second time in a matter of only an hour or so, so it was all physiological and completely meaningless. Nevertheless, she took it personally and became upset.

Next time we had sex I thought about this and for some reason the anxiety got to me and I wasn't able to perform normally. This made it worse. Signal spiral of dysfunction for about a month. I finally convinced her that it didn't have anything to do with her and that she just needed to stop caring for me to go back to normal.

She did, and then I did, and everything worked out and we haven't had an issue like that since.

Dating Someone With Anxiety

I'm not your man, and your situation is unique, but if I have any advice it's that you should just not care as much as humanly possible. Just treat it like that's how things normally go.

Imagine that all guys are like that and act accordingly. Enjoy doing whatever you are able to do with him and make sure to let him know how much you enjoy those things. If you do want to give him a blow job, communication would probably be pretty important. Let him know that you would really enjoy giving him one even if he wasn't hard. Tell him that you just want to put your mouth on him, regardless of him getting an erection or having an orgasm.

dating a guy with performance anxiety

If it helps, put a short time limit on it so he knows you're not a secret mission to get him off. Then, when you're done, make sure to let him know how much you enjoyed yourself. You want to avoid him having any evaluative thoughts of "how am I doing?

I think something about the fact that at such an eye to err eye type situation he couldn't just relax and let his penis do what it wanted but felt even more under pressure to perform. He only relaxed into things when I stopped worrying about his penis and the state it was in and let it do what it was going to do.

  • Performance Anxiety: How to Help Him Get Confident in Bed

What you were doing the last time was pretty much what we were ended up doing until he felt comfortable enough that we could have sex. Of course there is no reason why he can't go down on you, or you could mutually masturbate if it's something you'd both enjoy.

A person you are dating has said they want to take things really slowly sexually, and you want to do sexual activities they aren't comfortable with yet "or at least try"!?

Just because the person you are dating is male doesn't take away his right to decide what he does and does not consent to, whether that's condom use, having oral sex performed, or Person A being more experienced than person B doesn't take that away person B's right to decide what they consent to.

He told you he wants to take it slow and this reads like you're trying to figure out how you can get what YOU want as soon as possible.

dating a guy with performance anxiety

Follow his lead, wait until he asks or otherwise makes it very clear that he's ready for oral sex. Sorry if that's a bit harsh, but jeez, listen when someone tells you what they need. Physically, stress works against healthy sexual function by shrinking the blood vessels and moving blood away from the genitals to the arms and legs—which is precisely the opposite of what your man needs to get an erection.

The problem is only compounded when men try to cope with their stress by using alcohol or recreational drugs.

dating a guy with performance anxiety

Performance Anxiety Reason 2: He may feel he is expected to perform with the expertise of a twenty-something porn star. For some men, this might not be a problem. For most men, however, sex has become an obstacle course filled with snares and hurdles in which they score points for technique as well as for crossing the finish line. The goal is not just to satisfy themselves, it is also all about satisfying their partners.

Many people seem to believe that a man is responsible not just for bringing his lady to orgasm but for giving her multiple, ecstatic, earth-shattering orgasms.

dating a guy with performance anxiety

If a man has even one humiliating sexual encounter, he can succumb to a vicious cycle of self-doubt. Good communication between you and your man and a willingness to work together are the keys to achieving mutual satisfaction in the bedroom. Performance Anxiety Reason 3: