How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves : Code Switch : NPR
Minder looking to find out every dating is the halal speed dating apps as told through their logo design. Yocutie is how to understand the halal mingle2. Why is . The 'Halal Dating Guru' Who Gives Muslim Women Relationship Advice On YouTube. While some are staunchly no-sex-before-marriage, others are busy swiping on Muslim dating apps and visiting halal sex shops. Thanna Alghabban, 31, is a trainee solicitor, director of a modestwear fashion. Whenever anyone talks about arranged marriages my first instinct is to cringe and think about all the things that were wrong with it. I couldn't.
The Prophet peace be upon him also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan Shaytan is the third among them" Tirmidhi. When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing.
At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an Friendship with Opposite Sex Is it wrong for two people of the opposite sex to be very good friends at school and outside of school? Muzammil Siddiqui answers " Muslims should have good elations with all people, males as well as females.
At school, at work, in you neighborhood etc. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. Such friendship often leads to Haram. The Prophet - peace be upon him - said, whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them. A question arises as to how they met each other before their marriage?
Was it a marriage arranged by their parents? They had probably met at work and dated each other. In the past Muslims did not date because of arranged marriages.
Are parents in North America going to arrange the marriages of their young children as is done in some Islamic countries? In Islamic countries there are matrimonial brokers and agents who work to match the brides and bridegroom. Parents have the support of the community in finding spouses for their children. Relatives, networking, social gatherings particularly weddings, make arranging marriages easier.
In the United States, parents are left alone and cut off from these networks. The more educated the girl becomes, the less contented a parent feels in arranging for her marriage.
How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves
African-American Muslims, as well as Arab and Asian immigrants from cultures that practice arranged marriages--are now unenthusiastic to do the same for their own children.
In an arranged marriage, a Muslim family usually investigates the prospective candidate further - talking with teachers, professors, employers, friends, family, Imams, colleagues, etc.
It is a well-known fact that Islamic religious or cultural events are often segregated by gender? So how are the young North American Muslims supposed to meet and marry each other? The first group is "Strict Muslims" who date halal in an Islamically permissible style.
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The second group I call "Eid Muslims," because many are not strict in practice and attend mosques only on holidays. While technically they are dating haram unlawfully in Islamwithout chaperones, they're keeping physical intimacy to a minimum and parental involvement at a maximum.
The third group dates "Sex and the City"-style definitely haramopenly and freely leading a non-Islamic lifestyle, having premarital sex sometimes in a series of monogamous relationships.
These non-Muslim women sometimes convert to Islam and marry their Muslim boyfriends. But some are unceremoniously dumped when the man's parents arrange a halal marriage. The woman's family is naturally upset at how she has been treated, resulting in a misconception that Muslim men treat women poorly. Ironically, the "Sex and the City" Muslim man can date freely without risking his standing in the community, while a Muslim woman with the same dating pattern would not only gain a bad reputation but risk losing a good arranged marriage proposal.
This double standard and poor treatment of women is not endorsed by Islam but by a general patriarchy that pervades many world cultures, including America.
They insist that their girlfriends, with whom they once openly had sex, will now have to wear a cover and stay at home, and that their dating relationship was haram. A friend of mine who had such an experience broke off the engagement with the Muslim man but retained her commitment to Islam.
But she told me she is now committed to waiting to have sex again till she marries. Halal dating is the first cousin of arranged marriage, with young people finding their own mates--within the guidelines of Islam--instead of their parents arranging marriages for them. Because the Qur'an advocates equality between the sexes, it does not permit premarital sex--since all the negative consequences fall upon the woman, including pregnancy, the social stigma, and the raising of the child.
Premarital sex is also forbidden for other reasons, including learning to discipline oneself and practice self-control. Under Islam, when a man has sex with a woman to whom he is not married, he is being disrespectful of her, whether she is consensually participating or not.
So young Muslims who engage in halal dating seek a commitment first and are vigilant about staying true to their religion. Less often they meet at school or in their local community.
Here are 5 Facts that You Need to Explain to Your Parents about Halal Dating!
They spend time talking over the phone or on the Internet and even going on dates, though for Strict Muslims, a chaperone is always present. Once they have decided they like each other, the couple is married under Islamic law by signing a marriage contract. This event, called the nikah, is as binding as a marriage. However, the couple is seen as engaged in most Islamic cultures and in American-Islamic culture.
The signing of the agreement allows them to spend more time together. Strict Muslims still have a chaperone present and do not even hold hands. One views the other as a life partner, not a hot prom date. Eventually they will marry in a ceremony attended by their friends and family members. Sometimes, though, the betrothal may break up, but, because the couple was engaged in halal dating, no disgrace attaches to them.
Many Muslims marry non-Muslim women who convert as a result of halal dating. Another example of halal dating that resulted in marriage is that of a divorced non-Muslimah, who met a Muslim of Pakistani descent in her medical school class. The Pakistani husband even adopted her daughter from a previous marriage. Many non-Muslims see Islam as a gigantic, static monolith, when, in fact, Islam can be very dynamic.
Shi'ite Muslims, for instance, sometimes use the device of muta to facilitate dating. A muta is a temporary marriage recognized under Shi'ite practice. An agreement, oral or written, is created between the man and woman, securing for the woman certain rights in the event of pregnancy or at the termination of the marriage.
I recently heard of a young Muslim couple living together before their formal wedding ceremony. Their parents could not bear their children living together unmarried so they secured a muta fatwa [an Islamic legal ruling that a temporary marriage was taking place between them] for them.
Their living together was then halal. Whether the use of muta is right or wrong, whether halal dating is indeed halal or not isn't the issue. In the end, we Muslims believe that God will decide, as He is the final judge of us all. When they have friends of the opposite sex, they are almost always non-Muslims.
I easily set my privacy settings to always hide my photos. It's a breathe of fresh air being able to message suitable Muslims without ever having to give your email address or phone number! I love how I can easily spot and avoid the jokers. You know what I mean - those guys who just are out there to chat to girls and aren't interested in marriage. This app easily lets me avoid them and only speak to genuine Muslims who want to get married. Saima, 29 muzmatch user It's pretty smart how it verifies you using your phone number.
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I'm very impressed at the ease of use of muzmatch. I read it's free which is amazing!!!