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While a lot has been said about modern-day dating apps, where women often accuse men of only wanting to jump into bed with them, one of the first things I realised was that sex was not the only thing on offer. It was just one of the things.
They too were looking for amicable companionship. Sex was a byproduct, if things went beyond the confines of the app.
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The protocol was simple. If we connected and felt that the other was not a freak, we moved to another chat interface, outside the app. This is because a dating app, which invariably has more men than women, can be distracting for a woman user. You are bombarded with messages every mini-second. If a conversation is going well, you want to take it away from all that. Just easy, breezy flirting, on an anonymous chat window. Mind you, not WhatsApp. That is considered the next level.
Then I began to look forward to pillow talk. It is like the exhilarating rush of a first crush.
How a dating app is saving my marriage
Something that was completely absent in the customary two-minute conversations with my spouse about lunch, what the kid did in school, how we had to finish our pending errands over the weekend and other such exhilarating themes. As I got hooked to the app, over a year, I met a total of eight, whom I call good men, in person, over drinks and dinner.
This happened only after our comfort levels with each other had grown. At such meetings at a pub or a restaurant, our conversations veered towards morality, marriage and the mundane. They told me of other women they had met through the app. Housewives, head honchos of corporate houses, entrepreneurs, marathon runners, et al. I set my preference to men the app does allow you to date your own sexand received another surprise — Bumble had a verification option!
This instantly put Bumble a step ahead of Tinder which had no such option, as evinced by the many people pretending to be Ranbir Kapoor or a sexy Arab sheikh.
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After spending 10 minutes looking through profiles, I concluded that Tinder and Bumble were nothing alike. As my friend had promised, Bumble had far more interesting choices. Almost every man on Bumble had a proper bio, and almost no man had grainy gym shots.
There were far fewer people on there, true, but I found myself swiping right on almost half the profiles I encountered. All these advantages, though, paled in comparison to the real one. The one feature that differentiated Bumble from every other dating app?
Women had to initiate conversations with men. Once you matched with a man, you had 24 hours to send him a message or the match would expire permanently. It was quietly, audaciously feminist. In a world where men bemoaned having to make the first move, and in which women were plagued with endless, inane come-ons, this was a welcome role reversal. Women could review their matches at leisure to find the absolute best options. I wondered if this was why the quality of my conversations on Bumble was so much better.
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